Coming out: A story about faith, fear and future (Part 2 of 3)
Facing our fears or things that frighten us the most can be liberating. I am unlearning my fear of nature and embracing the harmony, peace and protection it has to offer.
This is part 2 of 3 in this series and focuses on Facing My Fears in a Forest.
I wrote the first part of this series three days before my family and I survived one of the worst natural disasters in our region during our lifetimes. In this part of the series, I had planned to talk about the beauty I found among the trees and wildlife while living in a small forest this past year. However, I found myself filled with grief the past couple of months after a devastating winter storm covered my community with so much ice that thousands of trees exploded or were uprooted. I can still vividly recall my first glance into the forest behind my home, the scenery completely devastated after the storm.
I wept. Seeing so many trees halved by the storm created a sense of regret. My heart questioned why I had not foraged in the forest yet. Was it really my fear of the unknown critters keeping me out? Why hadn't I found time to wander more? To learn? To just try?
I also felt cheated a bit. I had already spoken with a forester about creating a forest management plan but couldn't start the registration process due to federal staff layoffs. The forester informed me that the trees could be valuable. I had decided that I did not want to cut many trees, if any at all. It didn't feel right to me. Well, now, nature has cut many trees for me. Sigh.
Decisions, decisions. Surviving the storm helped me to see that the real fear I have is making a decision about how to steward the land. I have never owned land until now. As someone from deep poverty, I feel a deep responsibility to both the land and my people to be in harmony with all. Deep in my spirit, I knew this was a higher calling than I yet had wisdom for.
Last week, however, I spent time on St. Helena, an island in the Gullah Geechee corridor. While this trip was work related, the ancestral spirit of the land quite overtook me. The Spanish Moss trees, large swaths of marshes, and glimpses at the ocean made clear the sacred intentions of nature. Hearing the stories of how Gullah Geechee people have lived in harmony with their land, been protected by their land, and continue to steward their land in such a respectful manner awakened my desire to do the same in the forest. It also prompted me to better understand the history of this place and its original purposes so that I do not cause harm.
After the Storm
As for my family and I, we were without electricity for two weeks and internet for a month during the storm’s aftermath. We evacuated our home for safety after being stuck (due to iced roads) in below freezing temperatures for a few days. When we returned, we realized we need a new water heater as water streamed down from our attic to flood portions of a bedroom and family space. We have now been back in a fully operational and safe home for a few weeks. I will admit that writing this tonight is a bit of self-soothing practice as we just spent the last few hours watching weather radars. A line of straight winds passed through, bringing many tornado and thunderstorm watches and warnings to the area. Thankfully, nothing serious developed here this time.
Now that we are getting back into a routine and weather will soon be warmer, I am making it my goal to hug trees. I am not interested in worshipping them but I do want to connect in ways that I had not before. I want to appreciate all of life that God has created around me. I have decided to listen for the whispers in the wind, ushering me into a stewardship that honors this land and the people of the past, present and future who steward it.
For the last part of this series, I will share visions that I had about this land and why it is important for us all to carry faith, hope, and love into the dreams we have about wherever we call home in Futuring in Place.