Collective Feeling as a Pathway to Strengthen Humanity
One conversation with a friend led to deep curiosity about the history, chemistry, meaning, power, and future of collective feeling in a society where care wanes.
The Back Story.
During spring 2024, one of my best friends suddenly lost her mom. Her mom was a pillar in our community, and her passing upset generations of students that she had taught in her long tenure as a public educator.
As my friend returned to work after her mother’s passing, she began to call me on her rides home from work. I began to learn about the my friend’s coworkers and the many challenges and moments of laughter she encountered each day.
One day, my friend called upset about an interaction she had with her manager. The manager had asked her to do something that would have been unethical, and my friend told her manager that she could not complete the task. In response, her manager called her “insubordinate.” My friend responded by showing how the request would be a violation. I told my friend she did not respond well in the situation, and my friend asked me what I thought she should have done. That’s when it came to me:
Without hesitation, I exclaimed, “Start crying!”
“What?” my friend asked while laughing out loud.
“Start crying,” I repeated.
I explained how there was nothing logical that my Black friend could have said to her white manager after being labeled as “insubordinate.”
“At that point, your full humanity has already been stripped away,” I explained, “because you simply choose not to obey whatever the command had been. You are objectified at that point and must find something to do in that moment that uplifts your full humanity. I think you should have just started crying.”
“Well, what will that do?” my friend asked.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “But it has worked wonders for white women. I have no idea if it will actually help us [Black women and women of color] appear more human to white people. However, we will feel better if we stop suppressing our emotions.”
From that moment, I began to form a hypothesis about tears. I began reading and learning about tears and our history with tears as people of color in the United States. This led me to understanding the trauma we have had to endure and why it made sense for us to suppress all of our emotions — not just tears. I also learned about the chemistry and health benefits of tears. I began to have conversations with family and friends about this and realized that many Black, Indigenous, and Brown folx in this country have been conditioned to not feel as a means of survival. However, I also learned how this has led to devastating health outcomes in our communities.
What I walked away with is this: When we are not allowed to express our emotions wherever and whenever we need, we are denied our birthright to be fully human. It is time for our emotional justice — and just like any other type of justice, we will have to take it.
Introducing The Collective Feels...
The Collective Feels is a gathering place — on and off this page — for all, but especially for Black, Indigenous, and Brown people, to explore our full emotional selves, together.
It’s where we normalize crying in public, laughing too loud, trembling with rage, and sitting quietly with the tender truths of who we are as human beings.
It’s where we untangle what the world told us to hide and learn to be seen as fully human — joyful, grieving, uncertain, soft, fierce — all the feelings.
What you’ll find here.
Reflections & essays on emotional liberation, collective identity, and what it means to be witnessed in our feelings
Guided prompts to help you explore your own stories and soften into your full humanity
Notes on building community economies rooted in care and solidarity, not extraction and transaction
Invitations to our online and in-person gatherings, product launches, and new tools for emotional justice and identity exploration
You are welcomed here.
For Black folks who’ve been told their tears are signs of weakness.
For Brown folks who’ve learned to shrink their joy.
For Indigenous kin reconnecting with what was stolen or shamed.
For white people willing to do this work of witnessing and supporting without centering themselves, to contribute to community care and economic solidarity, and to help make more space for Black, Indigenous, and Brown people to just be — you’re welcome too.
For anyone who wants to build a world where we all get to be soft, complicated, unhidden.
Subscribe and Join us
Each week (or whenever the spirit moves), you’ll get tender, honest writings and other offerings that make room for your full self. Sometimes short meditations, sometimes longer essays, sometimes simple reminders that you’re not alone in your need to feel and be free feeling.
✨ Subscribe now and come be part of this slow, beautiful work of learning to feel — together.
